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Monday, July 28, 2014

I'm not young & hot anymore..... :sigh:

There was a time when I could make things happen.

No, really.  I could get what I wanted, when I wanted with just a smile.

Ahhhh, those were the days.

The days when I had to say...

"Mmmm, scuze me... they don't talk back."
I think you understand what I'm saying.

I had my first "This is 40" (movie) moment.  If you're in your 40's check this movie out :)

The part of the movie I will now refer to is the part where Leslie Mann, as Debbie and Megan Fox as her younger, perkier worker, Desi are waiting online outside the night club and they tried their darndest to get in.

Because the club was was "too crowded" they had to wait on line for people to leave - yet the bouncer let all the young hot girls in without blinking an eye.

Debbie flipped out and said "What, I'm not HOT ENOUGH to get in?"
To that the bouncer quickly responded, "You're hot. You're plenty hot.  I can't let you in because you're OLD as f*ck."

O U C H!

Let's face it... I'm not dumb or delusional.  I KNOW I'm not 20 or 30 anything...nor am I trying to be.

I know that having kids and age in general has run up and down me from head to toe like a little Mack Truck.
Have I accepted my non-young hotness?  No - I have not.  I don't think any of us women ever really accept the fact that we can't always get our way by smiling and batting our eyes.  Deep down, no matter how old or fat or wrinkly we get - we still mentally think we are as hot as we were in our 20's & 30's.  Even just a little bit.

My husband and I went to the Toby Keith concert this past weekend. Super fun, I might add. Love me some Toby :)

The hubs ordered one of those refillable soda's and it became time to refill. The line at the concession stand was, of course, wrapped around all creation. (Beer line was good though, just sayin')  So we waited.  And waited.  And waited.

Now if you've read prior posts - you KNOW I have no patience for this.
I noticed a guy to the left - no line, refilling sodas.  So I told my husband to stay on line, I was going to hop over and get this soda refilled.  Ya know, using my feminine wiles and all.  So I proceed to hop over -- the guy looked at me like I was in his way or something.  I smile and hand him the cup.  "Can I get a refill please?"

You'd think I just keyed his car.
He looked back at me and said, "you need to wait on line."
Of course I noticed he'd refilled other people's cups before, so I continued "I just need a refill, I'm not buying anything."

"Ma'am (ugh, knife through the heart) "you NEED to wait on the line."

That's when I took another cold, hard look at the GIRLS - not just "people" who were getting super fast, no hassle refills.  Young, hot girls.  I noticed their perky boobs, fake undoubtedly.  Their itty bitty shorts showing 5 feet of non-cellulite legs.  I noticed their perfectly flawless skin and long flowing locks and suddenly - I got it.

It's not that I'm not hot.  It's that I'm OLD as f*ck!

Should there have been a 40 or 50 year old man at the counter, I may have been "In Like Fynn" but noooooooooo some snot nose little 20 something looking at me like I'm someone's grandma or something.

So I gave my husband back his cup and did the only appropriate thing at that moment....

I went over to the tequila tent.  Cheers!

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Monday, July 21, 2014

Yeah, I'm from Jersey.

Admittedly, this post may not portray me in the very best light.  I can't say this is ALWAYS me, but it is definitely me quite a bit of the time.  It's my Jersey.  Not all of us are Jersey impatient.  I am most definitely impatient!  I want it, and I want it NOW!

Before anyone gets all Jersey defensive on me...

I'm a Jersey girl.  I'm a North Jersey girl.
I've been Jersey all my life.
I am not great at tact.  If I think it, I speak it.
I say what I have to say - then I'm done.
I think you should be done with it too.
Unless you don't agree.
Then we'll tawk more.

When I want it, I want it NOW!

I don't think I'm all that much different than other Jersey folk. We have a way that only other Jersey-ian's - Jersey'ites get.

You know what I'm tawkin' about?

Yes, I say tawk, cawfee and dawg.
I'm Jersey.
It's not an accent.
It's how I tawk.  :)

Being on vacation in Massachusetts I made some observations.
One of them is that people in other places aren't like us.

I think I'm starting to get why people in other regions don't get me, and maybe they don't get some of you other Jersey folks either.

Most of my life, I was under the impression that I was a super nice person.

No, I don't take any crap - but I try hard to be a good person, helpful & kind, do things for others, give a smile if you don't have one and be loyal and true.  If I have it and you need it, please take it.  I'll get another.

I may not be the "too nice" I'd been accused of when I was younger.  I've jaded with age - but I still think I'm OK.

On a regional note, I am probably correct.  By the standards of other states, maybe not so much.  I've even been referred to as "abrasive" at one time.  I don't see it???

We just got back from vacation in Massachusetts.  Salem, Boston, Lexington, Concord & Plymouth. Very cool, historical trip.
Wicked Pissah!

I totally recommend this type of vacation!
Especially if you're an American History geek like I am.
(I'll blog about it another time.)

People in that region are super nice, super friendly and super chatty.  At least this was my experience.  I have nothing but nice things to say about the attitudes of the people of MA.

Here is where the Jersey attitude doesn't quite fit...

I am from Jersey.  When I am looking for information.  Please just give me the information.  I don't need a conversation.  I don't want to hear in 20 minutes what can be told to me in 3 minutes or less.  I'm from Jersey.
I don't have a ton of patience.  I'm in a hurry.  Always.  Even on vacation.
I have a schedule and I plan on sticking to it.  I'm used to things being at my disposal.  I'm used to people hurrying me along and getting me where I'm going quickly.  They don't want to talk to me any longer than I want to talk to them.  This is what I'm used to.  I get this mentality.  I especially don't want a conversation at 7 am, before I've had all my coffee.  Please understand.  You're nice and all, but...

Wow, that sounds awful.  Doesn't it?  It probably is, um.... abrasive.  eek

I'm actually not nearly as harsh as that all sounded, but sadly - that's not too far from the truth.  Well that and the fact that you lose me after the first 3 1/2 minutes & I go into deer in the headlights mode.  All excessive talk is wasted on me.  I've heard nothing.

Easy there people...  I'm not generalizing here.  This is my issue.  (but I know some of you other Jersey folks get what I'm saying.)

So on this vacation, we went out to eat, every day, almost every meal.  I didn't rent a condo or have any desire to cook.  I was on vacation.  I wanted to be served & have the short one's food pre-cut for her.  I wanted things done for me.  I wanted to relax.  "Relax" is clearly relative.

Every where we went, we waited.
I would never say the service was poor, because it was awesome every where we went.  Food was great, people were friendly, etc.  It's just in this area - the NY/NJ Metro area - things are FAST. When you go for a meal, they want you fed, up, out and gone so the next person can sit and eat.  It's not like that every other place in the country.  That is what we are used to.


When we went someplace where the waitress was totally "on it" - and I mean super fast sit us, serve us, get us fed and out "on it" - I appreciated the amazing service.  I felt the immediate need to compliment her on her rock star service.

I mentally wondered if she was originally from the NY/NJ area because unlike our prior servers, she was extra quick.

A beer and a half in, that thought wandered out of my mouth....
and I proceeded to ask her if she was always from that particular area, 
because her service was so amazingly quick and efficient.  

Ug, awesome.

I could immediately tell by the the look on her face that she didn't hear my intended "Your service was EXCELLENT.  You are a rock star.  Thank you!"

Instead she may have heard something more like, "Wow, the people around here are really friggin' lazy.  Thank you for being one of the only people around here who actually work."

And so goes another chapter in the life of "Jenn, shut the hell up - will ya?"  Massachusetts version.

I really was trying to compliment her.

Mercy on the Jersey girl, huh?

Another illustration of why people in other states look at "you" like they've smelled something funny when you say you're from Jersey.

I meant well, REALLY.
It's just that somewhere between what it sounded like in my head, and what came out of my mouth got completely lost and all twisty.

Or maybe that's just me.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

OK, so I'm fat.... You might be too. Whatever....

If you follow me on Facebook you see that I'm always joking around about dieting and having a little extra weight on me.

The fact is that since I was diagnosed with Lupus & went through my whole medication roller coaster - weight gain has been a tremendous issue for me.

That, coupled with a hypo-active thyroid makes it virtually impossible to get weight off and keep it off.

Well, that and the fact that I like ice cream.  I REALLY like ice cream.

Well, damn it.. I think I will!  Hmmpf!

Seriously... I was totally kicking ass at dieting and kick boxing - but then this Lupus crap suddenly sucked all the energy from my body - leaving me absolutely exhausted.  I haven't kick boxed for MONTHS and that sucks, because I love it.

I'll piss an moan for another second then I'll move along....
Last year around this time, I'd lost more than 25 lbs by exercising and watching what I eat.  I know, right.  :)  Anyway -- It took me several months of really hard work and dieting to get those pounds off my body. I felt good.  I looked better and I was happy with how I was beginning to look and feel.  And then the friggin' Lupus energy drain.  Well that was fun while it lasted.

As much as I'd love to be a size 5 - It's fine.
Why?  Because I'm good with me.

I had a conversation with someone a while back.  I have to phrase this delicately so no one reading can trace the source or the subject.  I don't want to get anyone in trouble.  Anyway, in this conversation the person I was speaking with was referring to another individual, stating they had body dysmorphic disorder because what they saw in the mirror didn't match what they appeared to this person as. More specifically, the person being described was overweight (sorta like me) but constantly stated she was a size 5.  This was annoying to the person I was conversing with.

Nothing against the person I was speaking with, 
but ya know what I think??
Who friggin' cares?

I think that it's AWESOME to be able to look in the mirror and see awesome looking back at you - no matter what your size.

We ALL struggle with something to some degree or another; too fat, too skinny, flat chested, big tummy, fat thighs, no ass, wrinkles, acne, bad hair, too much hair... what-friggin-ever!

I'd rather be able to look in the mirror and smile, than look in the mirror and be horrified.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

I'm not, by any means, saying body dysmorphic disorder is a good thing - because in some cases, when it's extreme, it can be really awful.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I wasn't always a super skinny mini growing up.  I mean, yeah - in high school I was a size zero - but mostly in my 20's I fluctuated from size zero to size 10.  I was never super skinny all the time, and when I was fat - I didn't know it until some a'hole pointed it out to me.

Back then.  I cared.  Back then, I really cared.  Back then, I didn't have the life I have now.

Now, I'm a pretty lucky chick, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

Do I have the perfect body?  No.  I do not.  Who cares?

Truth... even if I worked day and night and ate lettuce every day - I would still not have a swim suit perfect body.

Sure, I could go under the knife & have it sucked out and nipped and tucked and pulled and whatever - but I don't want to.

I don't want to.

I am blessed.  I am happy with who I am and what I have.

I don't want what you have.  I don't want what you think you took from me - because I have all I need & if there's something I really want - I still have it.

I don't need to stress over 5, 10 or 20 lbs.  I don't care if you think I'm fat.  I don't need to care - because as far as I'm concerned - I have it all!

This, my friends - is the attitude that I have taken on.

Yes, I still diet and exercise.  I'll always be dieting and exercising.  I'm getting O.L.D.  I want to be healthy, not skinny.  I'm pretty certain that Victoria's Secret isn't coming to knock on my door to beg me to do a cover shot, so I will eat the ice cream.  You should too.

Now, go on over to the mirror and look past that zit on your chin.  If you keep looking you will see that you're pretty friggin' awesome!  All of you!

And if you don't think so....
Get your butt over to that mirror.
Smile at that awesome individual looking back at you and tell them... OUT LOUD...

Y.O.U.  A.R.E.  A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

If you don't think you're great - chances are no one else will.
It starts with YOU!
Go be the awesome that you are.
If you dream it, you can be it.
~Do it~
Believe that you have it all!

Why are you still here??  Go!  <3

Love you to bits and pieces <3

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